Creative Baby Name Ideas? Look No Further Than Chinese College Students!

I teach English at a college in China and, more often than not, a student will have arrived at college already having chosen his or her English name.   Often students want a name that sounds like or has the same meaning as their Chinese name.  This often leads to names that don't sound so spectacular in English.

There is a lot of variety in Chinese given names and there is a strong emphasis on having a unique name.  In a classroom in the English-speaking world, we often have multiple students named Jenny, John, Emily and Tim.  This is much less common in China.

Recently, I had a student who chose for herself the "English" name of Alexankrapoo.  After going to great lengths to explain why she shouldn't use this as her English name (nobody will understand it, you'll have to repeat it over and over, you don't want your name to contain the word 'poo' in it, etc.) she replied, "but it's unique!"  Who can argue with that?

I have had quite a few chuckles over the years at some of these names.  However, when I first chose a Chinese name for myself, it didn't turn out too well either.  I chose one of the most common surnames "Zhang" (张）.  Then, for my given name I decided to choose "Lang" (狼), which means wolf, because I thought it was cool and it was a common male name.  When I started telling people my Chinese name, I got a lot of smiles and chuckles until finally one of my students told me, "That can't be your name!  It's so bad!" Excitedly she opened the dictionary on her phone and said the word "Cockroach".  Her pronunciation wasn't so great, so I took a look myself.  Apparently, my surname and given name were just fine separately, but when combined, they sounded exactly like the Chinese word for cockroach.  So here I was going around telling everyone that my name was cockroach.  I soon asked a Chinese friend to choose a name for me, which I have stuck with since.

For your enjoyment, here is a list of names that some of my recent students have chosen for themselves.  Enjoy and I dare you to try to keep a straight face!

Males:

Yaw
Jessesom
Tank
Jeam
Jackshon
Black
Shortcoming
Teemo

Females: (I have a lot more femal students)

Coco
Widy
Jhang
Painting
Adamyeah
Tidy
Suxi
Yoyo
Sikia
Hellbe
Bubble
Ejo
Just-in
Panny
Rainy
Lumia
Tiny
Luna
Miumiu
Niko
Limb
Shooting
Jury
Dobby
Yellow
Black (apparently this is gender neutral...see male names above)
Can
Barrel
Rainbow
Starry
Queenie
Leeway
Green
Kobe
Zero
Raevint
Momoko
Ear

Why China Really Censors The Internet (And What It's Like to be Behind the Great Firewall)

Imagine not being able to use Google.  No big deal for you perhaps, you can just use another search engine, right?  I suppose, but you also cannot watch youtube.  Not a big deal either right, you can use vimeo.  Sorry, that's not available either.  Also, if you visit a website which has videos borrowed from youtube, you're not allowed to watch those either.  Oh, and you can definitely forget Gmail, Google+ and Blogger (what I am using to write this blog...explanation to follow). If you want to check real quick where a country or city is on the map, you're gonna have to go somewhere else besides Google Maps.  Oh, and don't you dare try to use Google Translate.  Heaven forbid!  Also, no Google Earth, Drive, News, Adsense, Hangout, Finance, or Analytics.  But, I guess that's too harsh, I'll let you use the Google Android operating system on your smartphone, but you defintely cannot use the Google Play Store to access its apps, only the pre-approved app stores that I choose (and they will NOT be in English).

Oh, I forgot to tell you that you also cannot use Facebook, Twitter, Wordpress, Dropbox, the unfiltered version of Bing, Yahoo Taiwan and Hong Kong, Blogspot, the mobile version of Wikipedia and anything with the word Tibet or VPN in it.  The list goes on and on.  Ok, have fun surfing the net!

Welcome to the other side of the Great Firewall of China.  It's a bit dull and boring over here and, if you don't happen to be able to read and type Chinese, it's kind if difficult to find your way around.  Feel free to use the Chinese search engine Baidu, though you will notice it doesn't give you quite the results you were looking for (unless that something happens to be based in China).

Oh, and I forgot to tell you, depending on where you are living, you may have to deal with an additional layer of restriction.  I have lived on a university campus that literally blocked every single non-Chinese website.  Fun!

The younger generations here laugh at me when I say I don't use Facebook or Google because I cannot get to them.  They tell me to "fanqiang (翻墙)", which means to "climb over the wall".  What they are referring to is what is internationally called a VPN (Virtual Private Network), which allows you to get around internet censorship controls...sometimes.  Not all VPNs are made equal.  I have been silent from this blog for months because, with the VPNs I have been using, it has been near impossible for me to get to Blogger.com and, once I am here, stay long enough to make a post.  I have recently upgraded to a VPN which is used by multinational companies with operations based in China. It's more expensive, but when I was no longer able to get to my bank or credit card's websites, I decided I had to upgrade.  I cannot begin to express what a delight it is to be able to see the colorful word 'Google' across my screen or to actually be able to watch a video on youtube.

The amount of time and energy that is wasted trying to monitor, control and get around the Great Firewall is absolutely ridiculous.

So why does China so strictly censor its internet?  Well, security of course!  At least, that is the official line and the internationally accepted reason.  The Chinese government is a stability-obsessed government whose favorite word is 'harmony'.  They fear losing control, so they clamp down.

There is another reason, however, which is often overlooked: money.  At one point, a bureaucrat and a businessman must have sat down over a nice meal of shark fin soup (a delicacy in China) and discussed how terrible it was that Google had all the control and was able to rake in the dough from all its advertising.  "Gosh," they said, "wouldn't it be awesome if we could just shove Google out of here and have complete control over what people search for and all the search engine advertising.  We could stock up on shark fins!"

That's somewhat exaggerated (maybe), but instead of allowing all that money to go to Google, it goes to Baidu (which is very much controlled by the Chinese government).  Instead of having people watch videos (and click on ads) on Youtube, they do it on Youku and Tudou.  Instead of allowing people to purchase apps through Google's app store (Google Play), they have no choice but to go to a home-spun version.  A lot of money, which would otherwise go to foreign competitors, is funneled to state-owned (or controlled) enterprises here in China.  A lot of valuable personal data is lost as well.  China also exports its censorship technology and techniques and is considered to be the model by many other regimes, which brings in a few bucks as well.

When I ask Chinese people (mostly 20 and 30-somethings) how they feel about all this, the inevitable answer is "mei banfa (没办法)" which means "there's nothing we can do about it".  I usually concede with a nod because, if I was Chinese, I'd keep my head down too. After all, you can get the death penalty for going against the wishes of the government.  

R.I.P. Google China, enjoy the rest of the world!